From the Heart

Golf

2011-04-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, all alone, on an empty 9 hole municipal golf course, in a small village in south central Pennsylvania, in a constant windy drizzle, wearing a bright yellow, five dollar rain suit I just bought at the Lowe’s, I started keeping accurate, no mulligan do over, stoke counts for my golfing attempts. I used the tie, Noah, ma, rye, law... method to track my over par swings. I got tire (24) on the first 9 and dove (18) on the next 9. I added tire and dove and came up with 42. I was kind of dejected. Then, using my on board calculus device, I added that number to the par 72 and 114 flashed before my eyes. It had seemed like 42 over should have been much more than 114. Not toooooo bad I guess. But still 42 seemed waaaay to much for me.

Well, that's where I was. Live with it. Accept it. Dry off and go on. So I did.

The following Monday, I got out there again after work. A nice, warm, sunny day so others were on the course this time. I was doing kind of ok on 1 and 2. I topped off the third tee par 5 about 20 feet, grabbed the 5 iron and hit nice where I should have hit it in the first place.

I noticed the lone walker behind me had caught up. He was on tee box so I wave him to come on thru. I moved over to the side, I was over a hill and he couldn't see me. I almost got hit on the fly. But at least he yelled, "Fore!"..."Sorry!" Anyway. After he found out what a duffer I was (on my next swing), he gave me some golf swinging tips. I was about how the baseball swing arc and arm movement and hand movements were essentially the same as those that work for golf only with the back bent forward. And how the thumb comes back toward the shoulder in the batting backswing. The golfing swing needs to come back at the same angle toward the side of the shoulder and not above it which changes the good arc into a bad, digging up the earth or topping the H*ll out of the ball, kind of arc. (which I was so intimate and familiar with) (and had special names for)

Well, like a lot of times when someone shows you something on the golf course, it really works and you're excited that now, this time you've got it! "Look Out, Tiger!" I made excellent contact with the ball using the 5 iron. The ball flew off the sod with that, not so familiar to me, "Click!" that says, "Yep! You got that one!" Like it was shot out of a cannon! 'SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUNK!' When I woke up, I found myself in "The Pose". Always a satisfying experience and what makes you come back for more in the face of stacked odds against you. It's a sorcerer's trick, I tell you!

We did the final 5 holes and I kept making good contact with the ball. We introduced ourselves after a while. His name is Tom. He remembered my name. I had to ask him twice, like a dumb*ss. H*ll! I have Toms all around me! How hard is that? I was amazed about how I didn't even know how I was doing it. Practice the bat swing a couple of times, keep the same angle, low backswing, thumb toward the shoulder, (I could even turn my head and look at my arms and elbow and hand, and turn back to the ball, then swing. I think I just this moment know why I don't know how I did it. I bet you that it's the difference between using mental memory, which I probably always do, and muscle memory. Could be. It's a theory anyway.

Tom left after nine, but I decided to go on and do another 9. I had just chipped over a sand trap on #7 from 20 feet, one bounce, hit the pin and plopped in the cup. Sweet! On #8 par 5, I let Tom go first. I banged one off the tee up even with his drive. Two great shots in a row. Can I keep it up? It feels like putting your last chip in and hoping for a flush. Tom knocked the crap out of his with a wood, up over the hill and out of sight. I couldn't remember the last time even my third shot on this hole went over the hill out of sight. Well, here I go. Bat swing, bend, low takeaway, backswing toward shoulder. Swing! Snap! Tom must have been so proud. Like a jet on slippery air my ball cut through the now frightened molecules of gaseous matter. Up! Over the hill! And out of sight. Never! Not once. In all the times I've played that shot off the side of that hill, had I succeeded like that smack. I climbed up over the hill and found my ball in the middle of the right sloping fairway. Now, from what usually is my fourth shot to the green on this hole, I was going to try to get on in 3. Most of the time, if I don't top it or dig a bear trap in the grass, I knock it up toward the green and land up close to little bunker. Over the bunker, over the sand, over 15 feet of grass, onto the green. But I can't see the sand, I can't see the grass and I can't see the green, in fact, I can't even see the flag, but I know by faith it's there. I hope. It's not very far, an easy pitching wedge. I usually screw it up though.

But now I back looking at my third shot. I know where I want it to go, every time I know where I want it to go, it just never goes there. Like I said, usually comes up short no matter which club I use. This time I do the bat, thumb to shoulder type swing and that ball goes up through the air, into the groove. I couldn't see it hit because the green in above my eye level, but I didn't care, it went through the groove, just perfect, just like I knew what I was doing. Man, O, Man! I needed a mirror to see if it was really me standing there on the fairway watching that shot. The ball was pin high, 1 foot off on the skirt with about a 30 foot, down sloping run to the pin. I was thinking about chipping on. Tom said something about putting from there. I'm not sure what he said. For some reason, I was a little distracted in this dream. I pulled out my putter. I got close enough for par, came up short and took a bogey. But I didn't care. That third shot went through the groove. All else would pale while that memory still hung, suspended, freshly encoded on my Prefrontal Cortex. It put my stroke count up to tomb (13) so far with last hole remaining. It was a far cry from the 24 at this point on the Friday before.

The drive on 9 was nice and straight and pretty far. If you can't drive the green then it just where you want to be. I don't remember which club I used. I didn't put enough on it though and it fell 10 feet short of the green. I chipped on like a pro and tapped in a one footer for par. Was thinking about what that would change my word for my stroke count when I added it to 13. After a couple of mental back flips and a tumble I got it straightened out. "It doesn’t change dummy. You got a par." Wow. And then he said it backwards, "woW". So I stayed at tomb coming off the 9th green. I was kind of elated a bit.

Tom was done but I decided to go around again. I had to get this bat swing deal done a few more times before I forgot how to it. Tomorrow would be too late. I might have wasted too much time already just walking straight to the 1st tee instead of running. On my own, I screwed up all the way to the 1st green. Top, dig, dig, top. But I didn't give up. How could I have lost it so quickly? "That's golf!" they say. I fixed it on the next hole, over drove the 3d par 3 and so on. I was quite happy about playing. I got a dog (17) for a total of 30 over, a 102 this day, cutting off 12 from Friday’s 114.

Maybe this will be like when I started to loose weight last year with a nine month chart of down trending numbers. I'm not holding my breath, but I'm definitely getting out there to do it again as soon as possible.

One of These Days

2011-04-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

Once again I enter the blogosphere to hone my shiny skills. It seems the only three things I am consistent with are waking up and dropping off to sleep. Like a wound up clockwork, every day. It's not boring or difficult. It's just something I seem to be good at repeating.

Reading Blogs I am very consistent doing. Well really, only one blog in particular as it turns out. Pharyngula. I am probably repeating myself here.

I returned to the VA nutritionist the other day after 9 months or so of being on the TLC diet deal. I had lost 31 pounds, my blood work and other labs came back so good that she felt compelled to call my home and leave a message to call her. Both the nutritionist and my physician were very impressed. The doctor even immediatly sent out a letter of congratulations and praise that very day. The nutritionist lady told me that the doctor never sends those kinds of letters so she must have been very, very impressed and happy.

This is the fourth time over the last 15 years that they've wanted me to fix myself and the other times I just never followed through with the goods. Now I am their poster child of success and a job well done. I'm not done yet, but it is a very concrete milestone set in the ground of time.

Since I last reported, I have started learning to play the blues on the guitar. I am learning the scales surrounding that sound. And in the process, I am learning a lot of the different scales on the neck. In all my 57 or so years and years of playing the guitar I never knew even one single scale at all. I could sorta pick out some plucks on the strings that sounded better that others and I knew many players could really string them together, but I wasn't able to do it. Of course I knew in my head there were such things as scales, I never thought beyond do, re, mi etc. I didn't know there were such things as Major and minor Pentatonics in every key. I pretty much only knew some chords that some of them sounded better together than others. A little bit of training early on would have been good for my progression. My teacher probably didn't know the scales, but he played the notes that are actually framed and built on particular scales. He was doing it by ear and copying what he saw others doing. I could only watch others and try to do what they did. Turned out to not be too efficient in my case. 40 years later and I am just getting around to learning the A minor Pentatonic scale. Immediate revelation: Oh....That's how they do that! Sigh. I couldn't even remember the names of the six strings except for the 2 E strings. All these years. I definitely didn't know any of the notes on the finger board. They were all just sitting right there under my fingers. I knew a lot of the basic chords and shapes, but no note names. Oh well, it gives me something to do in my waning years. I figure I have 40 or 50 left. If my fingers don't fall off, I'll be playing the whole time.

In a related vein, I am getting a Mac from Ef, probably this afternoon. It will run the software I have to record music in my room. It’s a professional level type deal with a box I can plug in instruments and stuff. Maybe I will upload some more to YouTube hyoidbone54 if anyone is interested. Well, I'm stoked about my weight and my blues. Later.

Wait! Weight update.

2010-12-27T07:29:00.000-08:00

Well hotdog, I dropped down 33 lbs at the end of 5 months! I hit 197 lbs. whoopee! Of course, that5 was like the day before Thanksgiving so I didn't stay there but rebounded off the low up 3 to 200 even. The beginning of December I popped up to 202 and have stayed under that for the whole month fluctuating from 200 to 202. Sunday was the first day in 6 months that I haven't weighed myself in the morning or in the evening for that matter. I pretty much stopped keeping track of my intake except mentally. If I wrote it all down on my spreadsheet, I know it would go over 2200 cal. per day. I don't want to know, even though I do know anyway. Silly. The discipline of logging it all into a spreadsheet really helped me focus. If I'd do anything with that much regularity I'd be a hero at it.

Let me see...what else have I been doing with that much consistency in the last half a year? I read PZmyers Blog everyday to keep up with all the godless liberals. http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/ if you are interested.

I played golf nearly everyday. I miss playing with Bob and Skip over at Yinglings every Sunday morning. I think Bob must be busy still with life.

I play Poker Stars Texas Hold'em every day for long stretches at a time. No cash involved just mental diversion. I practice the Pentatonic scales on my guitar and play the blues progressions (like I know what that is) and write little songs to the blues. I got a bunch of them. Some of the phrases really have some potential. I'm getting better a picking the scales. I'm kind of sad that I never picked up on it all these years. Oh well, it's fun and I am getting noticeably better at it. What else? I'm sure there is something else. Hmmm? Nope! Not counting my phenomenal skill at procrastination, that's about it for noted activities over these 6 months.

For Christmas Scot loaned me his collection of Diskworld series stories, by Sir Terry Pratchett. I have started reading the colour of Magic. Pretty cool, I don't know how I missed them. Thanks Scot with one T.

I re-started digging into my crates of things I go from the leaning center. I have a idea of cataloging it all and selling it out on Ebay. All my books and tapes, everything must go. Didn't get too far with it though, just enough to stack some more stuff up on my table surrounding my keyboard and monitor. I tried to sort some of my tools in the boxes and bucket from my on the road installing jobs. I could start my Pawn Shop with what I have that I never use.
Well that's enough focusing for now.
Happy New Year!

Weight! What now?

2010-08-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

It's been 8 weeks since I've employed the TLC diet, recommended to me by my lovely Veterans Administration Hospital Dietician. I am down 15 pounds. Yesterday morning it was down 18 pounds, but at the office picnic I indulged a little bit. I've only indulged once before in the first week with a Whopper Junior with Cheese. After I got home and looked up the Calories in a Jr. Whopper, my head exploded! They're not called Whoppers for nothing. I am pretty much bought into this diet. It's called the Total Lifestyle Change (TLC) diet. Basically it's counting calories and saturated fats. The dietitian lady has me on 2200 calories a day. At first I had no hook to hang that number on. I wondered if it was enough to survive. It turns out to be quite a bit of mass depending on the type of food I shovel into my mouth. It's 650 calories per 3 meals plus 250 for a bedtime snack.
I used to routinely have potatoes with beef gravy, scrambled eggs and bacon and two juices for breakfast. That took the edge off of my grumbling tummy. However, I enjoyed the taste, but the price I paid was over 2000 calories in that one shot! I was killin' myself in more ways than one. My cholesterol is in the 360's, triglycerides in the 1000's and my weight for my 188 cm frame at 104.3 kilograms was obese according to my expert’s charts. 74 inches and 230 pounds. It really was unacceptable. I had to keep getting larger pants, it was pathetic. The medical professional thinks 185 pounds will get me out of the Obese column. She may be right, but I am shooting for 195. I was half way there yesterday morning and I am still almost half way today. YeeHaw!

I am taking it seriously. I am making it fun for me. I have a spreadsheet with every ort and iota of mass I put into my mouth that smacks of calories. It really is easy to keep in the 2200 range for a day if I don't get the killer items. I mean, I have everything listed with its caloric and saturated fat content summed at the bottom for each meal and showing how much I have left till I go over. I keep at or under the 650 pretty easily and a lot of the nights I don't eat anything at bedtime. Of course, I am now into it 8 weeks and I'm just not as hungry because I suppose my stomach has reduced its stretching. I list a few of the Over the Top items on my chart, like Long John Silver's Fish. I’d get 3 pieces and a large Dr. Pepper for a 20 minute ride home. Those are 260 per, 40% of my now target limit, just for one! The little Whopper Jr. is 420 by itself. I really like the taste of these things, but I must moderate. At least till I am out of obese danger levels. I am not going hungry at all. Like I might have said above, I am eating more mass for breakfast than I was before. It's kind of like I count it up and I see I can get more before I reach 650. I am sort of stuffing myself a little bit, it's kind of silly, but I am still losing weight even so. I really don't crave that much food, but I do it probably just because I can.

The lunch meal in the work cafeteria is pretty easy for me, because I like the salad bar (and it's cheap) each time I get a large salad and use vinegar and oil (which I really like since I started using them 5 years ago. I can really taste the items, before; all I really tasted was the French dressing.) Skim milk and a yogurt and vegetable rounds out the Lunch. The yogurt puts me over the 650 a few calories because they are 180 calories at work; the ones I buy at the grocery store are only 80 calories. Most days I leave the yogurt alone and in essence I leave 160 calories on the table so to speak.

I told the dietician 4 years ago that I was going to get under 200 pounds by the next Christmas, but never did it. She kept a chart of my weights for every time I checked in to the VA for an appointment for the entire time. She printed out a line graph showed it to me in June. It opened my idiot mind to reality. 3 solid years of trending up with no end in sight, no downturns, no major corrections, just uptrend. Almost a 35 degree angle up to the right. 36 more months of doing what I was doing was going to put me way over 250, easy! That's not even taking into account the cholesterol and lipid levels! Anyway, she showed the graph to me. I looked at it and said "If that was a stock, I'd be buying it." That was it. I was done. I was finished being dumb, stupid and procrastinating. It was like when I quit smoking the day after my first wife, Lorraine, died of lung and brain cancer. I may have to be psychological beat abut the head and shoulders for months at a time, but eventually I can take a hint. "Dude!!! You're killing yourself!!! Stop!!!" Is that an epiphany?

I work with a guy that's over 500 lbs so it's easy to just say, "I'm not that large.”That's what I call the "Trying to irrationalize it and call it rational." model of cognitive dissonance. I hear there are a lot of former smokers, now sleeping in their own personal flip-top boxes, that used that one too. I'm sure I'll be joining them is sleep one of these days. I guess I've decided to try and put it off for a few more healthy years, if I can.
Well, Tuesday morning weigh in will be two solid months implementing the TLC. I only had 2 incidents that are outliers, the Whopper Jr with regular soda and yesterday's picnic. Not too bad I suppose. 3 days in order to incorporate the picnic's excess calories into my system. It wasn't really gigantically over the top, but it was way over 650, probably like 4000 calories altogether. Still that's over 1.5 days worth of calories excess at that one meal. We will see how it pans out. I'm probably not going to do that again. Especially if it turns out to be hard to recover. I shouldn't have done it in the first place because of the saturated fat and sugar content. Oh well, we'll see. I had the goal in mind and now I can see the when the goal will be met. At my current rate, I'm looking at October 24th to reach 195 pounds.

Later.

Greater Love Hath No Benevolent Deity

2010-08-05T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I hear or read someone quoting the Bible and it seems so mean that I have to look it up to make sure it actually says what the quote says. I don't know why I am still skeptical about the quotes of evil deeds perpetrated and encouraged by Jehovah since the Great Flood Story tops them all for the killing of innocent children.

Ezekiel 9:6
Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women: but come not near any man upon whom is the mark; and begin at my sanctuary. Then they began at the ancient men which were before the house.

I remember 26 years ago, as I waited to enter the sanctuary to be married, I sat at the pastor's desk, opened a Bible at random and quickly read through Ezekiel. I didn't get to finish it, but I am sure I made it through Chapter 9. I read the words of murdering little children and wasn't appalled with it. It just didn't register. God always gets a passing grade anyway. It must be OK somehow, because it's God doing it. It took a while to break out of that mindset, but breakout I did and I am not going back.

Of course, these are simply stories, made up by illiterate, desert nomadic sheep herders and not to be taken as real history. However, many humans, in this 21st century, actually worship at the altars of this wicked acting Deity. And they encourage their own children and unsuspecting strangers to give themselves over to this God and worship Him also. But once one is freed from these irrational chains of mental slavery, one sees it as a travesty which sadly remains in the world.

"Save yourselves while you still have a life to save!"

One of these Days

2010-07-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

One of these days I'm gonna keep up with this blog. I spend so much time reading PZ Myers' blog Pharyngula which you can find here
practicing my guitar and reading Spanish, that I just run out of time. It's difficult for me to focus on one thing long enough to really get it right. It must be a character flaw. I wonder if I can make money by simply using this strength. The evidence of this in my life stares at me everyday. The stack of papers and notes from my MBA classes are still placed right next to this keyboard, right where I put them on June 5th, 2007. It's sad. Well, on to my selected subject.

As you may recall, I noticed I lacked a belief in God during the last days of 2007. One of my first questions to myself was "When did it happen?" I thought back through time and realized it was some time after the middle of June, sometime during that Summer, but I didn't notice when it happened.

Anyway, during that first year, I got all the literature on the subject and saw many videos and told everyone I was an Atheist, etc, etc. I relaxed and let it all steep and percolate.

For these 3 years, my wife has been married to an atheist, something she didn't sign on for or expect. We both believed the Bible and tried to live the Charismatic way for 25 years. Anti-abortion, anti-homosexual, anti-Disney, anti-evolution, anti-this, anti-that, conservative Republican politics, nearly the whole fundamentalist pizza. Now I am totally turned around on all these subjects. Actually, I never disliked evolution or Disney).

And therein is the rub, funds that are procured by the sweat and toil of my brow are being used to promote these very ideas to which I am now very much opposed. I've been wrestling with this for over a year. I think I know what to do, but I just won't do it. I set a deadline for myself and let it pass. It seems like the camel will be dried to dust and blown away before I do anything. I'm suffering. I just realized it.

Must move carefully

2009-01-04T22:24:00.000-08:00

Billions of humans all over the earth talk out loud to invisible gods who refuse to respond and who will not appear. Billions more people all over the earth bow down to visible figures of gods made of stone, clay, plastic, or wood. All these human beings ask these gods questions expecting to be heard and answered. If all these credulous minds are susceptible to believing things about the world without proper evidence, I surely am at risk of being taken advantage of due to tendencies of gullibility. I must be on my guard at all times. My mind has a credulous part that has been utilized by others, in the past, to manipulate my thinking. I am not any better than any other in this regard, I am simply taking over my own mind and protecting that part that is exploitable by charlatans and by those still in exploitation. So many, many people, children and adults alike, are enslaved with this mental bondage. It has been going on for most of the deep time humans have been sentient. Unfathomable amounts of mental and physical efforts expended on appeasing the invisible which could have been used for rational endeavours and reducing the real pains of human existence. So many minds locked in neutral, wasting, happy, waiting till the end when time is no more. Who gains from this state of affairs? The money collectors aren't complaining of which two subsets would be politicians and religious leaders. Hell, maybe it can't ever be fixed. Maybe the human brain hasn't evolved enough. Well that's obvious in this case. It is too overwhelming isn't it? Might as well as join them if can't beat them. I've got a good 30-40 years left maybe. I'll start my own religion. There is sure no lack of possible converts salivating to believe some made up pastry. I probably shouldn't think about it too much though because thoughts could get in the way. Hmmm. This is gonna have to be done off line. Maybe I'll find some golden plates or maybe a very obscure website! I am getting excited now!

YouTube Fun 2009

2009-01-03T16:44:00.000-08:00

I'm getting a good workout on putting up videos. I had to purchase a format conversion software so the sound would sync correctly. Lighting is lacking. Maybe it's the camera. Then maybe not. Maybe it's just me. I'm sure I will get it eventually. Here's my addresses one YouTube and two blogs.

http://www.youtube.com/user/hyoidbone54

http://hyoidbones.blogspot.com/ Astride Singularity

http://rickeyeugenemiller.blogspot.com/ From the Heart

WEEEEEE.

First Song on YouTube

2009-01-01T08:36:00.000-08:00

I announce that I am uploading my first song to the Internet. It's Riding on the City of New Orleans. It's for the New of the Year. I am flawed, but I am ever flawed, so what the heck. It hasn't finished uploading yet, so it is still up in the air, but I am excited about 2009. Maybe I will live through it too.

New Year's Eve 31 December 2008

2009-01-01T08:34:00.000-08:00

I've almost lived past another calendar year. Whoopee!!
I have grown in some fashions this year. I kept up pretty well on some biology blogs like http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/ and the http://pandasthumb.org/ . Each of them is out loudly on the evolution side of the education debate. Along with the Catholic Professor, Ken Miller (no relation) at http://www.millerandlevine.com/km/evol/ I completely fall on the evolution side of the debate with them against creationism /slash Intelligent Design. I am a full fledged "no religious faith" man now. I think the supernatural things of religions are simply imaginations made up for many reasons and accepted by many, many people. It's been about 18 months now since I was aware of my loss of faith. Around the end of June of 2007. That is more accurate than when I was "Born Again" in the 1974-5's or so. It doesn't mean anything, it's just something to note.
I worked today. I wear my brother-in-law, Rob's jeans now since my sister passed them on to me. I remember then each day when I get dressed. Rob and Debbie, what a great group of helpers to me. When I got home, my wife had a note on the door saying she was at a girlfriend's house for dinner and a movie. I am sure she will enjoy herself. Kevin wasn't home, but I had stopped off at the grocery store and picked up some of those Slim Jim sticks he likes and left them on the stove top. While I was down here in my room in the basement, he came in the house, called down to me to ask about them. I said they were for him. He yelled thanks and took off again to somewhere. He starts work on Monday the 5th at a book bindery place in Blue Ridge Summit, PA about 15 mile from the house, but on the way to work for me. It's a real job I think where you are expected to show up and they expect it and none of that callin' off stuff with no consequences. Maybe. Oh well I don't care. By that I mean I am confident all will be fine. He's a good kid and will get it together in good time. Well enough of that.

One of my wonderful sisters, she knows who she is, (they are all wonderful to me), sent a book to me that she recommended by George MacDonald, called the Curate of Glaston. MacDonald wrote in the late 19th Century. I have finished reading the first story in the book called, "The Curate's Awakening". He's a nice writer. It's about certain people's belief and unbelief in the Church of England of the 1800s. Now, Barb, didn't ask me to comment, but I think I have something to say about some of the quick tying together toward the end.

First, Helen kicks off one man that loves her because he denies the existence of an afterlife. She asks the question, "Where does my perceived need for a god come from, if there is no god?" MacDonald does not allow her lover to answer this question. MacDonald's implication is that there is a god and we must seek him to find him. There are many other answers to this universal question. At the end of the story, the author has her think that she is not able to live without god. An idea for which she has no evidence. She has determined to search for god until she finds him, or she will die trying. She says that even if there is not god, she would be no worse off than if she continued to be an unbeliever.
This here is a rendition of Pascal's Wager, if god exists, you have everything to gain if you believe and everything to lose if you don't believe. and if god doesn't exist, then the believer loses nothing and the unbeliever gains nothing. Therefore, there is everything to gain and nothing to lose by believing in God.

It is simply not true that the believer loses nothing. If no god then we don't give this life the effort it deserves by preferring the mythical afterlife. One then sacrifices honesty to the maintenance of a lie. And then religion requires time, energy, and money, lots of money, draining resources which could improve this world, the one and only world if no god.

Blaise Pascal was a Catholic and like MacDonald, assumed the existence of the Christian God. What if it is another religion's god that is the real one. What if the Islamic Allah and his terrible hell is the true deal? Or any of the thousands of other gods that humans worship? This Pascal's Wager is more riskier upon a second glance. The Islamic hell might be worse than the Christian hell.

I didn't become an ahhtheist because of these ideas, these are just some ideas I found out about way afterward. Perhaps I may have been persuaded by reason, we will never no because no one every tried to persuade me. I was simply immersed in religion as a child into the Catholic religion, I had no choice. That's just the way it was. I really believed two years ago that parents should get there children to believe something because if the parents didn't, someone else would and the parents should shield the children. Well that sounded all good and right, but now after much afterthought, it was like thinking, "the Kettle is out there roaming in the world and might capture my kids, I'd better introduce them to the Pot before they are trapped by the evil Kettle people. There is a better way. My beloved friends, the Pot is just another type of Kettle.

Don't get me wrong. If some way of thinking about this life gives you comfort and solace and strength and takes away your fear, I don't want to take that away from you. Daddy told me not to pull their comfort and security away from them. I was talking to him about why the people didn't do what the Bible actually said. I confronted them and they kindof poopooed me. "You're young in the faith, young man, wait till you're older then you will understand." That kind of thing. Here I am, New Year's Eve, 4.5 Heineken's in me and blogging away, sortof. Plus a shot of coconut rum. Hope I didn't offend anyone yet, I sure did not mean to if I did. I think I will play some guitar and maybe even put it up on YouTube this time. Love to all, I miss you.

Starting Gate

2008-06-18T12:34:00.000-07:00

Here I am. I guess I do add on infrequently. Man o Man, I am more of a thinker than a writer it seems. not enough time here, but it's a start. Let me think just a little bit more. No epiphany on the horizon though. What to say? What to say? How to say it? I'll get back to you on that.

The Salty Brew

2007-12-16T14:25:00.000-08:00

How nice when blood just stays at home piddling round a clock.
Never given much to care less much that blood's a part.
Never one was born with blood who never knew it shine.
Some danger clue alarm remind us look be warned a clot.

What days we breathe in utter loss too ken to ken too proud.
Every man's a chemist's set with beaker slides and burning.
Creating life sustaining life child's play at from beginning.
Inner man was thought the house of loving care and solace.

Where saving turns for help in time a thought will never dare.
Seeths a move most done before that purpose now defends.
We've brought this move from afar without hung fruit in tending.
Well there it is pick at will return the pit for mending.

Shaping Incredulity

2007-11-19T14:49:00.000-08:00

There. It's gone. No one ever thought the thoughts I thought.

New Year 2007

2006-12-31T18:42:00.000-08:00

Haven't heard much from you lately kid.
I wonder often how you've been doing.
Sorry I don't get around too much.
There's always junk to do.
Not enough time for real stuff.
Like trackin' you down and seein'
if you're alive or not.
Hell, it hasn't been that long.
At least when you think about it.
I need to get a MIDI instrument.
Thought I could get away without one.
You'd think some software would do it.
I have a whole bunch of good beginnings.
I heard a new song last week.
This singer says, "The people I care about don't care about me. Sometimes it tries to hurt me and I just don't let it out."
What a life, huh?
Here comes a freshly fired up train.
I'm hoppin' on and seein' if I can steer a little.
Maybe on over to Beijing, China.
Ni hau ma?

Homework

2006-10-09T19:24:00.000-07:00

How am I supposed to do my homework with all this noise going on? Oh no! Some wild eyed communist with a cool hair cut can blow up the world! Well , that's not news. We've had that for about a million years. They can't beat us, so they are just gonna join us. Sounds like we won that deal. Now the big problem in is how are we gonna talk to them now? How about, "Hello, uh, My name is hyoid. Umm, sorry about getting off on the wrong foot about all this. You really are important to us and we would love to help you become self supportive. What can we do to help that we are not already doing? What do you see as the most pressing problems with your operations? Did you know you can hurt somebody playing with a nuclear device in a crowded neighborhood? Safe places aren't hard to find, you just have to get the owners permission. I know of a couple of spots where the owners are friendly and the prices are very reasonable. Let me know if you are interested. By the way, want to meet me in Paris for lunch sometime? I'd really enjoy getting to know you better.

You know, they say Hell is hot and cold and smelly and painful. I wonder where the idea of Hell came from? I know some people say they've been to Hell and back, but I think they were just bragging. I think they just meant that circumstances were uncomfortable from their perspective. Has anyone alive seen Hell or Heaven for that matter? Ya kinda have to make a permanent commitment in order to go check it out. I think it is more prudent to simply believe or not believe while you're waiting around to find out. Soon enough everybody finds out. No sense in hurrying. Anyway, it's a belief thing and belief is a mind/heart thing. No one else can know for sure what another believes. Of course I could be mistaken. If anyone knows how it can be done, let me know, I am easy to find. Any my mind is very open on this subject. Has anyone ever physically left this earth and come back to tell us about it? Houdini vowed he would communicate with us if he could. I am pretty sure his body is worm food, but he was talking about his being, the essence, the thinking and communicating part of himself. Maybe you have to get in line and he's still way back there. The christians say Jesus came back into his body after a couple of three days or so. He said he'd been to see his father whom he said was the God of Abraham,and he walked around and ate some fish and talked about building some houses. Last thing he said to his group was receive the holy spirit and tell everybody about me. Nothing in there about forcing people, or killing people or talking bad about people or anything else either. Just tell people about me. How simple could it be? And yet, look what it has seemed to become and just what transpired to get to this point. Tell people about me.
Diga a gente sobre mÃ.
Dites les personnes au sujet de moi.
ErklÃ¤ren Sie Leuten Ã¼ber mich.
Dicami la gente circa.
Diga povos sobre mim.
скажите людей о мне.
πέστε στους ανθρώπους για με.
Vertel mensen over me.

. أخبر النّاس عنّي .

How hard was that to mess up?

Here's where we are, let us be here.
REM

The Vocation

2006-01-09T15:56:00.000-08:00

I've thought myself a writer for many years. Trouble is I never just write. I know that's what they all say, but with me it's true. I think maybe I should just write to see if it actually turns out to be true.

I think it is a good thing to give to the poor, but I really don't think we should keep creating poor people just so we can have someplace to give. The poor are very able to create themselves just fine without our help. If I teach a man to fish and he decides he'd rather beg for food, I say fine, but I will not be obligated to give him my fish. That's just being lazy. That guy needs to really go hungry for a while to wake up and join life, it's what's going on. We have such a wealthy country that even our poor have television, drink beer and smoke cigarettes. I call them the willing poor. I could join their ranks easy enough. All I'd have to do is quit work and not pay my bills. Pretty soon I'd be homeless and clothesless and foodless. Since I would be a new poor person, I'd need some coaching on how to beg and make the government feel sorry for me. My wife and son would be ok, because the goverment already feels sorry for them because I am such a loser and won't support them. Hmmmm. I think I am getting some good ideas that just might work. I better not let the cat out of the bag or someone might figure out that I planned the whole thing to get over on the government. It's gotta look natural... Needs some work.

Road Home.

2006-01-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time at Joe's house.
His mom would let him do anything he asked, it seemed to me.
I always thought, on those times I thought, it must be nice I thought.
He cooked us eggs on an electric stove and spread the mayo with a knife.
He made Koolaid all by himself and measured sugar with a cup.
I was impressed, his mom was nice. She called me pal and chief.
But I could wash and iron the clothes and carry a five-gallon bucket of water to the cows.

This is a little raw clay of my life. I got it out to work on it a little bit.
We'll see what happens.
It took me so long to figure out my password, that I ran out of day.
Gotta go. Peace.

Grand Year of Education

2006-01-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

Have a good start on gettin' smart this year. Maybe I can get a raise cause I'll be so learned. Finished up three Mindleader's courses. Fundamentals of Business, Business Management and Excel 2003. Started a few more though. Think I will focus on finishing them.

My MBA courses start back up on January 19. Over half-way through the program. What could be next on my agenda? (as I get into this thing, I get the feeling I just might be able to do a little Web Logging without hurting myself) I will keep you informed.

Be careful out there.

High Finance

2006-01-01T16:07:00.000-08:00

Eight months ago, I began managing a small fund. After three quarters, we are up a total of 25%. Not too bad I suppose. Especially since we were down more than 20% at one point. The best returns came from the rise in Mindspeed's stock price. It has risen 91% in the last six months, a nice jump. Makes up for the fits and starts associated with my learning curve.

I started out with the simple idea from my Financial Management teacher, who said that all one had to do was double $1000 ten times to get a Million Dollars. Well, heck, that didn't sound too hard. Even a high school dropout, ex-Army guy could do that, I thought to myself. It is very simple, but not quite so easy.

I have missed a couple of opportunities. But the exciting part is that I was watching and in the game. I have gained a lot of experience while in the market. The greed and fear emotions are very devilish in their ability to persuade me into action. Even though I was wary of them, I found myself unable to fully resist their temptations. It is enlightening to watch yourself be manipulated by the ups and downs of the market. It was weird, like I wasn't in control of myself.

I have read quite a bit about investing methods. I have pretty much relied on charting so far. However, as I got to reading about Warren Buffett, I am slowly seeming to turn in the direction of value investing. I am reading more and more annual reports. I am pulling out relevant data from them and the ratios are really starting to make sense. The more I dig, the more it seems possible.

Well, I gotta get back to researching.

In the Beginning.

2006-01-01T13:37:00.000-08:00

Sacrifice. My mind, my work, my selfish deeds.
To sow the earth with freedom's seeds.
She weeds the garden, turns the plow.
Comforts those who need it now.
Give and not take back again.
What times we have!
It's time.
Begin.