Shaping Incredulity
Sometime this year I decided I was an atheist. After months and months of contemplation, consideration and mulling I found supernatural claims to be incredible. How I got to the beginning of the year 2007 isn't really important. Suffice it to say I was a non-denominational charismatic Christian going to a Brethren in Christ church. I attended services with my wife and gave freely of my resources. I was happy as a lark. Could have gone on to the grave just plugging along.
Then one day, the church decided they needed around a million dollars to upgrade the building. They hired a team of folks that were experienced and successful in collecting funds like this for other churches. One of the first things they were told to do was have a meeting of all the people people that gave the most and consistently. We were included in the group and met in a member's home. The upshot was to get these best givers to commit to double our current giving level of a period of three years. We were asked to fill out pledge cards. Only one man was to see the cards and only he would contact us about the pledge. I did not fill out a pledge. I didn't mind helping, I just wasn't going to fill out a card. I wasn't going to allow myself to be psychologically manipulated in this way. Now I kept on giving money as was my habit. The next week, the pastor got up in front to speak about the building fund. He told the congregation that the leadership of the church had gotten together and decided to commit to three years of double giving to pay for the construction. He asked the rest to consider following the example or to give as much as the Lord leads. Sounds nice, but I was taken aback. I could hardly believe what he had just implied. Now, I realize they were just doing what the consulting firm told them to do for success, but that didn't matter for me. In the first place, I didn't want anyone to know how much money I donated. I already felt uncomfortable because the other "big givers" knew I was in the group too. Leaders in the church now were the ones that gave the most money. I was livid. I very much did not want to be judged by the amount of money I gave. I considered it to be an extremely bad thing. Jesus, the guy we were patterning ourselves after specifically said that the leaders and greatest among us must be the best servants among us. This is a far cry from the biggest money givers. If that is what they thought of me, I would nip that in the bud. I just quit paying the money. I gave zero. I didn't say anything to anyone, just stopped. After a few weeks, the pastor approached me at after service and asked me if there was anything wrong? I didn't ask about what and he didn't tell me what he was concerned with. He didn't really want to know, but the people that counted the money in the treasury told him I wasn't giving and maybe even that I hadn't made that pledge, but I can't be sure of that. Anyway, he turned away and never said another thing about it nor asked me again. Afterwards I slowly stopped attending services. I spent time thinking about some things in the bible that bothered me. Like Lot offering up his girl to the men and Joshua just slaughtering all the inhabitants of Jericho and then leaving. Most of the bad stuff in the bible we just look at and think well god said to do it so it must have been OK, and just go on to the next verse. Now, after 50 years of life, I really looked at exactly what was being postulated. And it wasn't looking very nice. Of course, by now I know I am by far not the only one, it's just that this is my story.
I began studying the dinosaur, ID, evolution, genesis deals. I had to go with the dinosaurs checking out before the mammals took off. I finally read Darwin's Origin of Species. Heck, the people who were complaining about Darwinism didn't seem to have even read the book! They called Darwin's ideas bad, but the ideas they were angry about were not Darwin's ideas. It didn't make any sense to me at least not then. well, I'll go into what about prayer that never works later. this is just me trying to get it all sorted out.
Then one day, the church decided they needed around a million dollars to upgrade the building. They hired a team of folks that were experienced and successful in collecting funds like this for other churches. One of the first things they were told to do was have a meeting of all the people people that gave the most and consistently. We were included in the group and met in a member's home. The upshot was to get these best givers to commit to double our current giving level of a period of three years. We were asked to fill out pledge cards. Only one man was to see the cards and only he would contact us about the pledge. I did not fill out a pledge. I didn't mind helping, I just wasn't going to fill out a card. I wasn't going to allow myself to be psychologically manipulated in this way. Now I kept on giving money as was my habit. The next week, the pastor got up in front to speak about the building fund. He told the congregation that the leadership of the church had gotten together and decided to commit to three years of double giving to pay for the construction. He asked the rest to consider following the example or to give as much as the Lord leads. Sounds nice, but I was taken aback. I could hardly believe what he had just implied. Now, I realize they were just doing what the consulting firm told them to do for success, but that didn't matter for me. In the first place, I didn't want anyone to know how much money I donated. I already felt uncomfortable because the other "big givers" knew I was in the group too. Leaders in the church now were the ones that gave the most money. I was livid. I very much did not want to be judged by the amount of money I gave. I considered it to be an extremely bad thing. Jesus, the guy we were patterning ourselves after specifically said that the leaders and greatest among us must be the best servants among us. This is a far cry from the biggest money givers. If that is what they thought of me, I would nip that in the bud. I just quit paying the money. I gave zero. I didn't say anything to anyone, just stopped. After a few weeks, the pastor approached me at after service and asked me if there was anything wrong? I didn't ask about what and he didn't tell me what he was concerned with. He didn't really want to know, but the people that counted the money in the treasury told him I wasn't giving and maybe even that I hadn't made that pledge, but I can't be sure of that. Anyway, he turned away and never said another thing about it nor asked me again. Afterwards I slowly stopped attending services. I spent time thinking about some things in the bible that bothered me. Like Lot offering up his girl to the men and Joshua just slaughtering all the inhabitants of Jericho and then leaving. Most of the bad stuff in the bible we just look at and think well god said to do it so it must have been OK, and just go on to the next verse. Now, after 50 years of life, I really looked at exactly what was being postulated. And it wasn't looking very nice. Of course, by now I know I am by far not the only one, it's just that this is my story.
I began studying the dinosaur, ID, evolution, genesis deals. I had to go with the dinosaurs checking out before the mammals took off. I finally read Darwin's Origin of Species. Heck, the people who were complaining about Darwinism didn't seem to have even read the book! They called Darwin's ideas bad, but the ideas they were angry about were not Darwin's ideas. It didn't make any sense to me at least not then. well, I'll go into what about prayer that never works later. this is just me trying to get it all sorted out.
posted by Hyoid at 2:49 PM
7 Comments:
All my children shall be taught of God and great shall be the peace of my children. Amen.
Your Mama
P.S. I love you more than you can imagine!
NOt anonymous anymore! Learning to BLOG!
Any statements about what individuals thought or did while I was present or not present are only my attempt at expanation. It is just my attempt at making sense of it all. I should have been more clear as to what were my speculations and what were verifiable acts. This all just my feelings about it all. Some have read this and found untruths which offended them. I was just trying to get it out so I could look at it. It was helpful to me. I didn't mean to make anyone hurt. It was simply my inside felt feelings about it, that's all. Once I got it all down, I left it alone. Any statements about anyone's motivations are only my feelings and are not athoritative and are probably totally wrong. I am convinced that everyone and I mean everyone depicted in this story are pure of heart and that they love me and my family and would not do anything to harm me. So if this exercise of mine hurt anyone of them, I am very, very sorry and saddened, I didn't mean to cause any discomfort. I should have just kept it to myself.
Have a good life.
Rickey
I guess I better check it more often than never.
I know you love me Mom. You are a pretty good friend. Let me check your deal.
I checked your blog. There is no guile in you at all.
I have a question? What about the prayers that are answered?
I have enjoyed reading all of your blogs it really makes me want to blog too!
Praying to a jug of milk will get you the exact same answers to prayer as praying to any other entity. Answers: Yes, No, Wait.
The Yes answers were things that were going to happen anyway. Simply coincidental to the prayer.
The human mind tends to remember the hits and to discount and forget the misses. So the Yes's seem to pile up, but the No's are a gigantic mountain stacked up next to an ant-hill.
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